Self-Care ISN'T SELFISH

If you're not taking good care of yourself how do you expect to take good care of others? How are you supposed to be able to perform at a high level? One of my priorities in leading meditation sessions is to make sure there is an emphasis on self-care and self-reflection. Since so many of us fill our days with helping others or are expected to perform at a high-level, self-care is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Unfortunately, we rarely ask ourselves what we need? How're we feeling? 

Without question we are living in a time of high anxiety. It is nearly impossible to turn on a device without reading or watching something that throws us off balance. We live in a society that is so highly connected we are instantly transported to every tragic event, or faced with the next outrageous statement some political figure says. It is impossible to escape these daily events that trigger our anxiety and sometimes shake us to our core.

A big priority in most of our lives is caring for others, our family, friends, and many of us have dedicated our careers to the care of others. We dedicate so much of our lives worrying how others are doing that rarely focus ourselves. Our body, mind, and spirit require time to recover, refresh, reflect, and reboot. In meditation, we call it "the mindful pause", it's like food for the spirit.

In this overly connected world, we are pushing ourselves to find ways to de-stress, to take a time out, and to disconnect. So much of what we think we are doing to de-stress is unknowingly adding more stress and anxiety into our lives.

When you wake up in the morning what is the first thing you do? I bet most people will say reach for their phone and check e-mails, social media apps, and news. All of a sudden we go from resting to information overload, zero to overload in .3 seconds. Instead of taking a mindful pause to reflect and set the intention for the day, we flood our mind with information, a lot of it bad. 

Many of us consider sitting in front of the television a stress reliever, and yes, it can be. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to escape your own reality to get lost in some tv drama, comedy, or whatever. It can be entertaining and in some ways stress relieving. What we must be careful of, if we carry a lot of stress and anxiety, is to not add more "toxic noise" into our lives. Watching a reality show where everyone is fighting or causing problems for others may be entertaining, but it's just adding more noise into your already noisy life. Caution and moderation are suggested.

What we need to do is be mindful of what we are letting into our head. Perhaps giving ourselves a technology break at certain times of the day. It is said that the average Facebook user checks their page 14 times a day. On the surface that seems like a lot but I can see how that number may be low for a lot of people. Let's say that's true and most of us sleep 8 hours a day, that means we are checking our phones almost once every hour. Now, ask yourself how many of those time are we reading a post that stirs a negative emotion. It's not just kittens, puppies, and candy crush anymore. When asked, many people say they check social media as a stress reliever from the day, but is it really relieving stress?

There is so much information out there that triggers our anxiety. From politics, to the environment, to the violence that feeds our world, and it's all laid out there on our devices. We have to recognize this and take some time to disconnect from these triggers in order to reduce our stress. A regular technology break scheduled in the day can be just what the doctor ordered.

Thinking about how social media affects our lives is one example of ways we can reflect on our triggers. We may think are de-stressing but perhaps we are triggering other stressors in our lives. Yes, we disconnected from work, but we just moved from one stressor to another. I suggest you take a look at your day-to-day activities and determine which ones bring happiness and which ones add stress. It would be awesome if we can remove all stressors from our lives, but we can't...sorry. What we can do is make sure we aren't adding more and that we are being strategic in planning our day.

If we sit down and look at our schedule, perhaps we can put a mindful pause here and there. Take a technology break once a day (or more). Schedule some time to set the intention for the day and check back on that intention every few hours. If we know we have a stressful call, a tough email to reply to, and project waiting to be completed, we can schedule them strategically throughout the day, perhaps after a mindful pause, so you can be refreshed and more focused rather than letting them pile on top of each other.

Want to see some immediate results? When reflecting on your day, think of all the negative habits or chores you have and either replace them with positive ones or schedule a positive habit to occur immediately afterwards. If you have a regular stressful event in your day or week, schedule some time to reflect immediately afterwards. It is during these times of high anxiety that we can make the most profound changes in our lives if we take the time to reflect and search for answers. 

Look for new and interesting habits to try. Perhaps add a meditation class, a yoga session, or a massage into your schedule...why not all three??? I know, don't go crazy. The goal is to strategically give yourself the time to disconnect from the negative so you can reboot. Taking the time to refresh is one of the best gifts you can give yourself, the people around you, and even your boss. I know it sounds counterproductive but a 10-minute mindful pause in the middle of your day will have you performing at a higher level than you would be going through your day building up the stress. Instead of watching the clock wanting to get out of there, you'll be more focused.

Instead of trying to duck and cover from the inevitable stresses in our lives we should get better at managing them. It starts with intention and focus. Finding the time to reflect and recover is one of the best pieces of advice a coach can give you. Taking some scheduled time for you is the only way you will survive this crazy world intact. Self-care is not selfish, it's necessary. It's not about self-indulgence, it's about self-preservation.

Take some time for yourself...take a mindful pause.
If you don't know how, give me a ring, I can teach you.

Coach Bill

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