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We tend to hold on to things way past their expiration date.
Perhaps it's an expectation of how something should have gone, the belief that you will never find the perfect relationship, or the notion that if you could just lose a few more pounds you'd be so much happier. Maybe it's the expectation that someone who hurt you in the past will finally reach out and apologize, that someone at work will treat you better, or that your boss will finally realize what an asset you are. Maybe it's some old resentment, anger, fear or doubt that just seems to hang around. It could be an old habit, like drinking soda, biting your nails or shopping too much.
Letting go of some things is difficult...especially things that we think will someday be good for us, clinging to the belief that these things will be important someday, but the reality is they aren't worth all the energy we put into them.
There comes appoint in our life we need to do some Spring cleaning. But, like any big project where do we start? The simple answer is...just let go. The reality is, that's not so easy.
For starters, take a clear look at yourself and something you are holding on to. The best way to do that is to try and take a step back. Observe yourself for a minute and pay attention. Try to get some perspective. Get some distance from it, as if you’re sitting comfortably on a sunny mountain looking down on a valley that contains this thing you’ve been holding onto. Exhale and relax and listen to your heart: What’s it telling you about this attachment? Are the conditions truly present to have it come true? Is it worth its costs? Is it simply out of your hands? Reflect on whether this thing you're holding on to is helping you or holding you back. Be with these reflections—sit peacefully in some place that is beautiful or sacred to you—and let the answers sink in. Try to pay attention to your heart rather than the random thoughts your mind throws at you. Breathe, listen, reflect.
Experience Letting Go
You can help yourself let something go by making it concrete. For example, put a small stone or other object in your hand and imagine that it is the thing you’ve been attached to. Hold onto it tightly; let your desires and thoughts about it flow through awareness; feel the costs related to it; and when you’re ready, open your hand and drop it—then pay attention to any sense of relief, freedom, ease, or insight. You could do a similar practice by writing a note about this attachment, and then tearing it up and letting its pieces fall away. Or you could talk with someone you trust—perhaps a friend or coach, or in your own kind of prayer—and explore the attachment, communicate your intentions to move on, and let it go. How does the thought of letting go make you feel?
You might still have the wish that something work out, but you no longer feel driven, compelled, intense, fixed, caught up, identified, or strongly desirous about it. You have accepted the way it is. You have surrendered; in a healthy sense, you have given up. Make space for the disappointment or grieving that’s natural when you let go of something that’s been important for you. It’s normal to feel sad about a loss. Then after a while, it occupies your mind less and less, and you move on to more fruitful things.
Open your mind to the fact that letting go opens up space for more good things to come your way. Opening up makes space for fresh opportunities and possibilities to fill that void. You could be making room for more time, more energy, more peace, more creativity, more space for love...let the good fill the space.
Let yourself be surprised—both by what might replace what you’ve released, and by the power of letting go in general. Remember this thought:
If you let go a little, you will have a little happiness.
If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of happiness.
If you let go completely, you will be completely happy.
(ref: Rick Hanson)
What if I told you that an era of love is coming? What if I told you there is a new resistance on its way? What if I told you that love is taking over? Can you see it? Can you feel it? I know it seems questionable, but it is coming. I can feel it starting to swell up. Every day it's growing.
If you take the time to look past the noise and distractions, you'll see it. There are so many simple acts of compassion happening that you wouldn't miss them if you looked. Each and every one of them, in some small way, is building up the resistance, creating a movement, and that movement is calling us all to act.
We are tired of all the hate being spewed. We are tired hating others and most of all we are tired of hating ourselves for being drawn into this divisive vitriol. We are starting to tell ourselves, this isn't how it should be, this is no way to live, this is not our nature. We gain nothing by diminishing others, in fact, we diminish ourselves every time we do it.
Hate is not the answer, love is. I'm not just speaking of the love we have for our family, friends, and the people around us, I'm talking about love for all, even for the least among us, even for those we disagree with, love is the answer.
There is a new movement around us, a movement of human responsibility, not just for ourselves but for all. We can never truly heal until we stop putting the blame on others. We can only move forward by taking responsibility for ourselves and by offering all of those we blamed in the past our love and compassion.
In our lifetime, we have seen the human capacity to hurt others show itself time and time again. But, for every terrorist who blows up a market there are hundreds who show up to help the wounded. For every gunman who shoots up a school, there are thousands who come forward to offer love. For every person who wants to ban a religion, a race, or a way of life, there are millions willing to stand up and say no.
If we listen, we will hear it. If we look, we will see it. Instead of following the script being fed to us that mankind is evil, that our neighbor is going to rob us, or that the guy who looks different from us is going to blow us up, we need to open our eyes and see there are more good people around us than bad. We are being forced to hear the voice of bigotry, hate, and division, but all around us are voices of kindness, compassion, and love. We just have to change the channel so that we can hear.
By focusing, you will see the new era of love and compassion in front of you. By focusing, you'll catch a glimpse of unfathomable kindness being put out in this sea of despair. When you take the time to look, you'll see that there is a love so powerful and so healing that you will be lead to hope. You will have no choice but to see and to believe that WE ARE LOVE.
Beneath all the anger, frustration, judgment, and pain WE ARE LOVE. We have to remember though that love isn't always easy, in fact it's sometimes messy. Love can be cruel and painful, it can be incredibly frustrating, but love is worth fighting for. Like anything worth having, love takes effort, it takes focus, and it takes persistence. It's easy to dismiss it, but it's not going away, because our nature calls us home to love. Because at our core WE ARE LOVE!
We need to pay attention to the good. We must stop giving a platform to the cruel and stop making the worst of us famous. If we turn our attention to the teachers, the healers, the advocates, and the protectors we will see the true spirit of humanity. It's not reflected in the loudest politician or the most outspoken celebrity, it's in the everyday people, like us. Because like us, WE ARE LOVE !
Because we are love, we will resist. The world needs our resistance now more than ever. The people in our lives need to be awakened. The least among us need our hope. The community we live in needs our everyday acts of courage. WE ARE LOVE and they need that love now more than ever before.
A new era of love is coming, it's growing. The choice is yours, you can either join in and ride this wave of love or it will crush you. You can either stand and fight evil or be consumed by it, because WE ARE LOVE and we are taking over.
It's coming...are you ready? Look inside and you'll see it, there is love waiting to be unleashed. The resistance is growing.
Are you ready ?
If you're not taking good care of yourself how do you expect to take good care of others? How are you supposed to be able to perform at a high level? One of my priorities in leading meditation sessions is to make sure there is an emphasis on self-care and self-reflection. Since so many of us fill our days with helping others or are expected to perform at a high-level, self-care is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Unfortunately, we rarely ask ourselves what we need? How're we feeling?
Without question we are living in a time of high anxiety. It is nearly impossible to turn on a device without reading or watching something that throws us off balance. We live in a society that is so highly connected we are instantly transported to every tragic event, or faced with the next outrageous statement some political figure says. It is impossible to escape these daily events that trigger our anxiety and sometimes shake us to our core.
A big priority in most of our lives is caring for others, our family, friends, and many of us have dedicated our careers to the care of others. We dedicate so much of our lives worrying how others are doing that rarely focus ourselves. Our body, mind, and spirit require time to recover, refresh, reflect, and reboot. In meditation, we call it "the mindful pause", it's like food for the spirit.
In this overly connected world, we are pushing ourselves to find ways to de-stress, to take a time out, and to disconnect. So much of what we think we are doing to de-stress is unknowingly adding more stress and anxiety into our lives.
When you wake up in the morning what is the first thing you do? I bet most people will say reach for their phone and check e-mails, social media apps, and news. All of a sudden we go from resting to information overload, zero to overload in .3 seconds. Instead of taking a mindful pause to reflect and set the intention for the day, we flood our mind with information, a lot of it bad.
Many of us consider sitting in front of the television a stress reliever, and yes, it can be. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to escape your own reality to get lost in some tv drama, comedy, or whatever. It can be entertaining and in some ways stress relieving. What we must be careful of, if we carry a lot of stress and anxiety, is to not add more "toxic noise" into our lives. Watching a reality show where everyone is fighting or causing problems for others may be entertaining, but it's just adding more noise into your already noisy life. Caution and moderation are suggested.
What we need to do is be mindful of what we are letting into our head. Perhaps giving ourselves a technology break at certain times of the day. It is said that the average Facebook user checks their page 14 times a day. On the surface that seems like a lot but I can see how that number may be low for a lot of people. Let's say that's true and most of us sleep 8 hours a day, that means we are checking our phones almost once every hour. Now, ask yourself how many of those time are we reading a post that stirs a negative emotion. It's not just kittens, puppies, and candy crush anymore. When asked, many people say they check social media as a stress reliever from the day, but is it really relieving stress?
There is so much information out there that triggers our anxiety. From politics, to the environment, to the violence that feeds our world, and it's all laid out there on our devices. We have to recognize this and take some time to disconnect from these triggers in order to reduce our stress. A regular technology break scheduled in the day can be just what the doctor ordered.
Thinking about how social media affects our lives is one example of ways we can reflect on our triggers. We may think are de-stressing but perhaps we are triggering other stressors in our lives. Yes, we disconnected from work, but we just moved from one stressor to another. I suggest you take a look at your day-to-day activities and determine which ones bring happiness and which ones add stress. It would be awesome if we can remove all stressors from our lives, but we can't...sorry. What we can do is make sure we aren't adding more and that we are being strategic in planning our day.
If we sit down and look at our schedule, perhaps we can put a mindful pause here and there. Take a technology break once a day (or more). Schedule some time to set the intention for the day and check back on that intention every few hours. If we know we have a stressful call, a tough email to reply to, and project waiting to be completed, we can schedule them strategically throughout the day, perhaps after a mindful pause, so you can be refreshed and more focused rather than letting them pile on top of each other.
Want to see some immediate results? When reflecting on your day, think of all the negative habits or chores you have and either replace them with positive ones or schedule a positive habit to occur immediately afterwards. If you have a regular stressful event in your day or week, schedule some time to reflect immediately afterwards. It is during these times of high anxiety that we can make the most profound changes in our lives if we take the time to reflect and search for answers.
Look for new and interesting habits to try. Perhaps add a meditation class, a yoga session, or a massage into your schedule...why not all three??? I know, don't go crazy. The goal is to strategically give yourself the time to disconnect from the negative so you can reboot. Taking the time to refresh is one of the best gifts you can give yourself, the people around you, and even your boss. I know it sounds counterproductive but a 10-minute mindful pause in the middle of your day will have you performing at a higher level than you would be going through your day building up the stress. Instead of watching the clock wanting to get out of there, you'll be more focused.
Instead of trying to duck and cover from the inevitable stresses in our lives we should get better at managing them. It starts with intention and focus. Finding the time to reflect and recover is one of the best pieces of advice a coach can give you. Taking some scheduled time for you is the only way you will survive this crazy world intact. Self-care is not selfish, it's necessary. It's not about self-indulgence, it's about self-preservation.
Take some time for yourself...take a mindful pause.
If you don't know how, give me a ring, I can teach you.
What if I told you that when watching a sunset, you are actually paying more attention to the clouds, than you are to the actual sun? Would you stop for a moment and wonder what you’ve always taken in?
Is it the sunset you enjoy, or the shadows it casts? Have you stopped for a moment to figure it out?In reality, it is how you choose to see it. Perception changes, and you with it. It is not the reverse. To shift your perspective requires an influence, but despite what you hear, read or see, the viewpoint of the world surrounding you will come from within.
Yes, we listen to others: educators, politicians, salesmen or solicitors, and whether we are told that the world is flat, which automobile is the safest, or how a policy will dramatically reduce carbon emissions over the next decade, it is the personal processing of this information that will determine your ultimate answer.
We, all too often, rely on the words of others when trying to understand anything around us. Explanation involves thinking outside of yourself and considering the consequences, values and benefits. In trying to listen to the flood of information coming at you, it is assumed knowledge that will form your opinion.
What if I told you that when watching a sunset, you are actually paying more attention to the clouds, than you are to the actual sun? Would you stop for a moment and wonder what you’ve always taken in? The sun never changes (well, not in immediate terms); it burns, full power, 24 hours a day. We see it more or less, depending on where we are located in relation to the time of the year. It is us that moves and not the sun.
The sun, quite boring really, is always there; always in the same place. It’s always round, always bright, and generates radiation that is constant, and powerful enough to light up this world and any other star, planet and galaxy in the universe.As it appears to dip below the horizon at the end of each day, all those colours and the glorious view you scramble to capture on your camera or mobile device is more the result of the sun’s light reflecting and refracting through the atmosphere, precipitation or condensation, or the puffy polluted haze of our ever-expanding cities.
The view is altered, mostly by your perception. It is still the same sun it was hours earlier, it is still doing the same bloody thing, but somehow it is more beautiful.
The sun glows, alters the shade of buildings, the shadows of trees, and even makes common weeds, like dandelions, appear magical.
Perspective. It is how we see things. More importantly how we see ourselves, and how we connect with the context.Our greatest strength should be admitting we don’t know everything and being open to learning what we need to know. Change comes with knowledge, and challenging yourself comes with connecting to your soul, investigating your id and ego and, through the process, discovering your own mythos.
Seek answers, or self-explanation for who you are, and why you do what you do. Discover solutions, or check your hypothesis for why something didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to, or why success is likely, in whatever area you chose.
You can make things happen, but you need to unearth what is happening and why. Those are answers you won’t get from teachers, lawyers or policy wonks. You may not even find the answers within, but you will be stronger for looking.
The inner voice is an inner choice.
One of the greatest joys I get out of my practice is when I have a client discover a deeper authenticity. In this world of constant contact, where success is defined by what car we drive, and happiness is just one new health product or weight loss plan away' it is not surprising that so many of us have lost sight of what matters most, our truth. When we can awaken that messenger inside of us and connect to that voice that's been there our whole lives, we can find peace, acceptance, and yes, true happiness.
If you are constantly anxious, angry, frustrated and confused then you probably aren't living authentically. If you spend more time trying to please others, hiding from your emotions, or trying to be someone else you are not being true, your authenticity is being suppressed. If you're turning to a pint of ice cream, constantly getting lost in a reality program, or second guessing your decisions, you aren't living the life you are meant to live.
The good news is those things are like smoke signals, if you take the time to recognize the warning signs you can take action and make changes. The first step is to recognize it, then you have to decide to make a change. You have to make up your mind to start a new practice, the practice of you.
Being authentic is not easy, especially at first. It means you have to show up to meetings, parties, family gatherings, work, job interviews, and being yourself, not the person you are expected to be but the person you are meant to be. It can be stressful at first because we are so used to pretending, especially to ourselves. The stress can initially cause us to question what the heck we are trying to accomplish.
Well, let me tell you this, once you discover how good it feels to express your truth you'll be able to realize your true potential, you'll find the peace and fulfillment that society tells us can only be found by having lots of money and owning lots of stuff. There's a reason so many people who have fortune and fame are unhappy, they aren't being true to themselves. They're living the life everyone expects them to live and it catches up to them. Examining your truth means you may have to reexamine old dreams, let go of the fears that have been holding you back, and release the beliefs that aren't your own but others expect you to live by.
Turning to your truth will, of course, be filled with some twists and turns at first, you are awakening that light that's been hidden inside for so long it may flicker at first. But like a seed, once you start to nurture it you'll see it sprout, reach out and touch EVERY part of you! Finding that truth takes patience, honesty, and awareness...it also takes time. It takes tools like meditation, coaching, self-reflection, organization, slowing down, and letting go.
I can guarantee you that the path to happiness is not paved in belongings, money, or fame. Happiness lives within us all; rich or poor; young or old; it's waiting. Authenticity brings happiness, peace, tranquility, and calm if we allow it to, if we nurture it, and if we allow it to grow. One step at a time, one day at a time, you can explore your truth and discover things about yourself you've hidden away for a long time.
You have a choice, you can keep reaching for the next big thing someone is telling you will make you happy, or trying the next get rich quick scheme only to be let down time and time again; or spending your life living to your full potential, awakening the light within. This light is ready to shine and become so strong you can't contain it within. If nurtured it will become so bright it will encompass you in its glow and cause you to share it with the world.
Trust me, it's there. If you need help finding it, ask. If you're afraid, ask yourself why? What do you have to lose? Awaken the gift within and live the life you are meant to live...authentically.
After a session focused on self love I had a client tell me it seemed selfish to focus so much on herself. The truth is that only when we are truly aligned with our own beautiful and unique spirit, can we completely and authentically give and receive real love.
This is because when we love ourselves we know that we can give without becoming resentful, exhausted and depleted, and we can receive because we know we deserve it. Self-love is the prerequisite for complete immersion in the abundant flow of light and love in the world around us.
Do you even love yourself? Isn't it time to start?
Blog Post: Beware or Be Aware?
Beware of love, Love causes pain.
Beware of clouds, Clouds can cause rain.
Beware of dogs, Dogs bark and bite.
Beware of the day, It turns into night.
Beware of birds, They shit on your head.
Beware of life, When it’s done, you’re dead.
Be aware of love ,It fills your soul.
Be aware of pain, It helps you feel whole.
Be aware of the rain, It flows to the stream
Be aware of night, In darkness you dream.
Be aware of your death, It’s waiting for you.
Be aware, Be yourself, And love and love true.
We are living in an age in which we are bombarded with information. We have at our fingertips, the answer to almost any question we could ask; the ability to connect with anyone, at any time; and the power to hear about any event happening at this very moment, anywhere in the world. With this power, we should feel so amazingly connected, balanced, and focused than at any time in our history.
What is surprising, is that we seem to have this “digital-numbness” that has made us less connected to our present life. We have this compulsion to always be “checking in”. People sit in meeting rooms, restaurants, and living spaces together, but alone. Our attention is locked onto laptops, televisions, and mobile devices, instead of one another. We are overloaded by the fact that we can be accessed 24/7. We compulsively reply to texts and social media posts instantaneously, no matter what else we are doing or who we are with. We have completely disconnected from present focus, and that’s bad enough, but there seems to be an overall spiritual numbness invading our culture. In fact, I think it has reached epidemic proportion and has invaded every aspect of our world. You can't even take a tour of the most amazing places on our planet without seeing people on their devices.
This digital numbness has caused chronic stress, input overload, sleep deprivation, and cognitive distraction, all of which are harming performance, focus, relationships, leadership, teamwork, and our overall well-being. People claim they don't have time to take proper care of themselves, but the real issue is not time management, it's attention management. Civility is declining - and yet everyone wants to be treated with respect, honesty, and kindness.
The good news is that we are starting to recognize how out of balance our personal and work lives have become. We are hungry for more tangible human connections and a deeper meaning in life. Values are shifting toward what makes us feel more deeply alive: including being fully present and aware of the moment, and genuinely treating others with kindness, respect, and understanding. It’s time to release ourselves from our constant “busy-ness”, in order to appreciate the events, people, and the reality of the moment. Instead of being looked on as a strength, this constant need to be “busy” should to be recognized as a disconnection from living an authentic life. We must focus on the fact that taking care of our spiritual health isn't an indulgence, but is vital to our overall health and happiness.
No matter what stressors come our way - whether externally through events, situations, and people - or internally via our nonproductive thoughts and challenging emotions - mindful awareness skills can teach us to choose how to respond with greater equanimity, instead of compulsive, mind-less reactivity - and all the stress that creates. We learn to listen in order to hear, rather than listening in order to respond. By focusing on being present, we can be more compassionate and thoughtful in how we react.
Think for a moment what that might mean to you as a partner, as a leader, and as a person. When you can give yourself authentically, being fully present, just imagine the deeper connection you can feel with others and with yourself. Forward-thinking individuals from all walks of life, are choosing to incorporate holistic mindfulness skills into their lives. They have chosen to rethink their life from "busy-ness" to presence; living right here, right now, in this moment, and choosing to think and live differently from the mindless masses we have become.
There is a Mindful Revolution at hand and you deserve to be part of it! Start by committing to daily meditation and go from there. There are dozens of types of meditation, you just need to find the one that works best for you. You must decide to take care of your spiritual health by learning to tune in to your intuition, to focus on the present, and to release the judgments of the outside world on your life.
Need help? I can show you the path forward!